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tanaquiljall) wrote2007-01-09 02:01 pm
Through the Looking Glass 9/9: Episode 9 - The Siege/Intruder
Author: TanaquiSGA
Rating: Teen
Characters: Kate Heightmeyer, John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Elizabeth Weir, Carson Beckett
Spoilers: Season 1/Early Season 2
Warnings: Eventual Heightmeyer/Sheppard in final chapters
Word count: 5760/c. 38,000
Summary:As the Daedalus arrives at Atlantis, bringing John back from Earth, Kate reflects on what happened during the Siege.
Author's Note: Once again, my heartfelt thanks to
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sgafan and elena_tiriel for their usual excellent beta reading and encouragement.***
The Daedalus arrived back today. Funny how you can spend so much time imagining the way things will be, and then they don't turn out like that at all...
Kate pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. She'd read the same paragraph three times, and it still didn't make any sense. Rubbing the back of her hand across her forehead, she stood and crossed to the window. By leaning against one edge and squinting, she could just make out the bulk of the Daedalus docked at the edge of the City.
John had been back on Atlantis for – she glanced at her watch – four hours now, and she hadn't been able to concentrate on her work for any of them. Truth be told, she'd been distracted for the past couple of days. It was nearly two months since she'd seen him, and she wasn't sure whether his arrival was a good or a bad thing. All the intervening weeks seemed to have done was increase her confusion about what she felt.
The last time they'd been in the same room was a meeting between the two of them and Carson to discuss which of her clients among the military contingent should be sent back to earth now that was possible, and who could continue on Atlantis with her support.
She'd already had a long and tiring argument on much the same subject with Rodney, who didn't want to let any of the scientists go home. He was only silenced when she pointed out that if he hadn't been head of the science team, he would have been the first one through the Stargate, since she'd seen him twice as often as anyone else. If he wouldn't be reasonable about the others, she'd take it as evidence that he was mentally unfit and have him removed on medical grounds.
She'd been glad Carson had been sitting between her and John. Those final days under siege had an unreal quality; they'd done and said things they might have held back from in less pressured times. With the immediate threat of the Wraith lifted, she didn't know whether she should trust any of what had happened. In fact, it was all a little embarrassing.
By the way he also found it hard to meet her eye, it looked like John felt the same.
Yet those last moments they'd shared on the balcony had seemed anything but awkward, even if they'd both been wrapped up in grief that neither could lift from the other. She'd been determined to wait for him as long as she could, and he'd arrived at last. When he walked towards her, moving slowly, his tread heavy and uncertain, everything in his face looked dragged downwards by lack of sleep and lack of hope. Automatically, she reached out her hand to him. Quickening his last few steps, as if encouraged, he stopped so close that his vest brushed against her shoulder.
They both were beyond even a simple greeting, too burdened by the events of the day and what was to happen soon. He placed his hand lightly on her shoulder and tried to smile, and failed miserably. Without quite meaning to, she wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him against her. He rested his head against hers and slid his hand across her back, tightening their embrace.
After a while, he murmured into her hair, "I wasn't sure you'd still be here."
She reached for his free hand and tilted his wrist so she could see his watch. "I have to go join my evac group in... twenty seven minutes." The words caught in her throat. So little time. "I'm glad you made it before I had to leave," she whispered.
When she let go of his wrist, he wrapped his other arm around her. She felt a shiver run through him as they stood silent, looking outwards over towers and piers and pinnacles.
"I failed." His voice was quiet but filled with reproach.
She reached up and grasped his forearm. "Not completely." Her own voice was unsteady as, for the last time, she watched the sun just beginning to fall behind the highest spires. "We'll still be around. To take back what we've learned. Tell people about what we've seen."
"But the City will be gone." His tone was bleak, dulled."The Ancients kept it safe for ten thousand years, and we didn't even manage to protect it for twelve months."
She began to turn to look at him, but he held her where she was. "Don't," he said harshly. "There'll be plenty of time for that later. Don't waste any of your," he shifted so he could see his watch again, "twenty three minutes."
He settled back against her. She could feel the tension in him, his unhappiness, but she had no words of comfort to give him. Watching the changing colors of the city as the sun sank, from glowing gold to dull bronze to dim oranges and purples in the shadows, she once more reflected on how she loved the way the view was never the same two nights running. How, no matter how bleak the events of the day, its beauty could still move her. She found her mind straying back over all the occasions she'd stood looking at this view: all the moods from despair to joy.
"Remember the first time you brought me down here?" The sound of her own voice almost surprised her. She felt him nod. "Thought I hated the place. Didn't want to be here."
"I remember." He pulled her a little closer. "Remember you didn't just walk off and leave me, either, even though I think you wanted to."
"Yeah." That raised a half smile. She bit her lip. "I'm glad I didn't. Not sure I would have made it through the past year without...." She stopped and took a deep breath, aware she was standing on the edge of a precipice. "Anyway, a lot of bad stuff has happened, and things haven't always been easy, but there was a lot of good stuff too. And.... I'm glad I came to Atlantis, glad I was part of all of this. I wish people hadn't died, and the Wraith weren't coming, but I don't think I'd want to change anything."
"Even Rodney?"
She could vividly imagine the wry smile, the raised eye that went with his comment. She gave a half snort. "He's certainly been an experience!" She suddenly was afraid she was going to start crying. Discovering John's sly humor, finding herself the butt of his gentle teasing, and sharing his somewhat left-field take on life had been one of the best parts of the year.
She pressed her lips together, determined to get her emotions under control. Silence fell between them again. The outer reaches of the city were growing dim against the darkening sky. The lights in the far piers and towers had been doused. Only the central tower was lit, and soon that would go dark. At last she took another look at his watch, and sighed. "I need to go."
He slowly dropped his arms, and she turned and looked up at him at last. He tried a smile that didn't work. "See you on the other side."
She nodded and walked away, trailing her fingers on the handrail as she climbed the stairs.
Yet just a few hours later, she'd been stepping back through the Stargate into the City. When the invitation to assist in the defence of the city came, Kate hadn't hesitated. Only as she was being issued with a sidearm did she begin to wonder why she'd been so keen to return. To defend the city, that was part of it; to see one more sunset bronzing the tops of the towers. Those were the reasons she gave herself. But it was to keep faith, too, keep faith with John, though she hadn't known it until he came striding into the infirmary while she was preparing triage kits
"Doctor Heightmeyer, could I have a word?" His hand under her elbow hustled her off to Carson's rarely-used office almost before she'd had a chance to put down the bandages she'd been parcelling out.
Steering her inside, he pushed the door closed and swung round to face her.
"What the hell are you doing?" His tone left her in no doubt he was angry. Nor did she have to try too hard to guess what he was angry about.
"You mean: why am I back on Atlantis?" She kept her voice level, although she couldn't quite believe they were having this conversation. If anything, she'd expected him to be grateful for the support of the scientists who'd come back.
"Yes!" He rested his hands on top of the P90 clipped to his vest. "Why the hell didn't you stay at the alpha site?"
"Because they asked for civilian volunteers," she pointed out patiently. She still wasn't sure quite why he was so angry. "I wanted to help...."
"In case you hadn't noticed, we're about to be in the middle of a damn war zone. You should have stayed at the alpha site. You'd have been safer." His knuckles whitened as he gripped his P90 more tightly.
Realisation hit her: he'd turned her personal safety into some kind of totem. He thought that if he could keep her safe, then he wouldn't have failed completely.
"Do you think we'd be safe anywhere in Pegasus if Atlantis falls?" She shrugged. "Especially after all the military were pulled back from the alpha site?"
"Safer than on a planet with two Hive ships heading for it, yes." He glared at her. "The Daedalus will be here in a couple of days. They'd come and pick you up. Take you back to earth."
"Maybe." She looked at him calmly, suddenly aware of exactly why she'd returned, and how to offer him the comfort she'd struggled to provide him with last time she'd seen him. "But I should be here. I have a duty...."
His face twisted in a sardonic smile. "I don't think people are going to have much time for counselling, Kate."
"No, I don't suppose they are." She caught his gaze and held it. "I'm not talking about that." She took a step closer to him. "You told me you weren't sure you could save the city. But that you needed to believe you could protect at least one person, make one person feel safe." She reached out and put her hands over his. "You think I'd be safer on the alpha site. Perhaps. But I'm here because I believe you. Because I think you can keep me safe."
His smile grew more bitter as he continued to glare at her. Then his face softened and he rolled his eyes. "Oh, Kate...." He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her awkwardly to him for a moment, the P90 hanging from his vest hard and cold between them.
He pushed her away a little and looked down at her. His mouth turned up in a wry smile. "But, in case you hadn't noticed, Colonel Everett is in command now." He lost the smile. "And he doesn't seem inclined to listen to me. And," he bit his lip, "I'm not sure he's that tactically astute. We just lost our primary line of defence, blinded ourselves for a few hours, and used up all our nukes."
"Idiot generals...," she murmured. She gave his shoulder a squeeze.
"Yeah...." He managed to half crack a smile.
"John, listen to me." She squeezed his shoulder again. "Just because the band is on the field doesn't mean the game is over." He raised an eyebrow, before the half-smile turned into a grin and he shook his head at the football reference. She went on, "You're smart. Resourceful. You know Atlantis better than anyone." She reached for his hand and turned her palm to his. "And she knows you. Don't...."
She was interrupted by the crackle of his radio. "Major Sheppard, this is Colonel Everett. Please report to me in the Hologram Room."
John pulled his hand away from hers to answer. "This is is Sheppard. On my way." He looked back down at her.
"Well, there goes my big rousing speech...." She tried to laugh.
He smiled at her. "It was a good speech." He drew her close again. "And you stay in the infirmary and out of trouble, OK?"
She nodded as he stepped back, trying to send him away with a memory of a confident smile, although she wasn't quite sure she'd succeeded.
She'd seen him one other time, briefly, as he'd crossed the infirmary to speak to Everett before the colonel was shipped back to earth. They'd exchanged a smile, a nod of the head, each acknowledging that the other had survived, and that there would be a time later to share their experiences. He'd been recalled to earth before they'd had a chance.
Now two months had passed and it all seemed like a different world. With the threat of the Wraith lifted, and communication with earth re-established, life on Atlantis had settled into a new routine. Which included stepping up the time she could spend on research. With a heavy sigh, she turned away from the window, settled back down at her desk, and once more tried to make sense of the journal article she was reading.
She was almost indecently relieved when her struggle to concentrate was interrupted by a knock at the door. And her heart took another leap when she hurried across the room to open it and found John outside.
She felt like she noticed everything about him all at once. How his long fingers were curled over where, arm still raised, he rested his loosely-balled fist against the door frame level with the door crystals. How his hair was even more unruly than normal, as if he'd just run a hand through it. The way the slightly shadowed, distracted expression he wore lifted as the door opened, a smile warming his eyes and twitching his lips as he raised his gaze to her.
Her heart hammered in her chest and she put a hand out to steady herself. "John!" Her voice sounded squeaky in her ears.
"Hey." He licked his lips. "I was... just passing. Thought I'd stop by and say hi." He pushed off from the door frame and dropped his hand to his sidearm. "That is, if you're not busy?"
"No. I was just reading...." She gestured back towards her desk. "Research journal. Not very interesting, to be honest." She flushed, realising she was babbling while he still waited outside. "Er... come in." She stood back to let him through the door. "Things have been a lot quieter recently."
He turned, stopping close to her as the door slid shut. He grinned. "No Rodney?"
She laughed nervously, his presence hitting her like a blast from a blowtorch. "Well, that's certainly helped!" She stepped past him and waved him into a seat on the couch opposite her. "But mostly that some of my more difficult cases have been given leave."
He settled back cautiously on the couch, hands resting on his knees. He glanced around, inspecting her office, his eyes lingering for a moment on the view, before he looked back at her.
She crossed her legs and clasped her hands on her knees. "How about you? I hear congratulations are in order... Colonel."
The corner of his mouth twitched. "Thank you... Doctor."
"Maybe one day you'll even become an idiot general," she teased.
He shook his head and his smile turned more cynical. "I only got the promotion because the rank came with the job."
"Well, someone thought you deserved the job even though you didn't have the rank," she pointed out gently.
He turned his gaze back towards the window. "Elizabeth," he muttered.
Kate smiled. "I always thought the two of you made a great team. Even when neither of you did!"
She saw a faint blush colour his face, and once again that wry smile lift the corner of his mouth. "So...," he turned back to her. "What about you? You didn't manage to wriggle out of the counseling completely?"
She shook her head. "They discussed sending another therapist but... I've already established relationships with the patients here. And, well, it isn't essential for a therapist to have the same experiences as her patients, but there's so much people don't have to explain to someone who's also been on Atlantis for the past year.... So... Doctor MacKenzie asked me to stay on."
She felt a warm rush of satisfaction as she remembered MacKenzie's words: You've done a remarkable job in the circumstances, Doctor Heightmeyer. I'm not sure there's many experienced therapists who could have coped with the caseload you had. Frankly, I don't think we have anyone more qualified to send in your place.
"Maybe someone thought you deserved the job even though you didn't have the qualifications?" Now it was his turn to tease, and hers to smile sarcastically.
"Yes, I probably have Rodney to 'thank'!" She softened the smile. "I'll have more backup now we're in contact with Earth again, and fewer patients. And in an odd kind of way, I think I'd miss it...."
"Know what you mean." He nodded and flexed his hands on his knees. "Plenty of last year was pretty grim, but this place, the people, they get under your skin." He caught her eye for a moment before looking away again.
"And with the Daedalus going back and forth, we'll have a few more home comforts."
"Yes." He leaned forward eagerly, a gleam in his eye. "Like... I brought some of last season's games back on tape with me." He smirked. "Maybe we can get together and watch them some time?"
"Don't tell me." She sighed and crossed her arms defensively. "Purdue rolled over Michigan?"
"Not quite… But yeah, Purdue won." His grin widened.
She gave him a mock glare. "Don't suppose you brought back any games I'd actually want to watch?"
"Maybe."
She suddenly sobered, hugging herself and turning to gaze out of the window. "It seems strange to think of everyone back on earth," she murmured. "Oblivious to what's going on out here." She looked at John again. "What was it like, being back?"
He shrugged. "A lot of debriefings and meetings and talk. Mostly in the bowels of the SGC. And I went to see Aiden's family." He clasped his hands together loosely, staring down at them as he twisted his fingers together.
Kate saw the tension in his jaw as he pressed his lips together. She remembered the first time they'd spoken – really spoken – and how he'd talked about his fears for the young lieutenant who'd become his responsibility. She leaned forward and put her hand over his. "That must have been hard." She gave a gentle squeeze.
He shrugged. "Wish I'd been able to give them more hope." He caught her fingers between his, and softly ran his thumbs across the back of her hand. His touch was warm, light, tender. Kate felt a shiver run through her. As gently as she could, she pulled her hand away. Whatever she was feeling, it was inappropriate in the circumstances. He needed a counselor or a friend, not a lovesick flirt.
He looked up at her, a slight frown on his face. Flustered, she rose and crossed to the window, trying to regain her composure as she looked out over the city.
He cleared his throat. "Will you be going back to earth soon?"
"I hope so." She rubbed the back of her neck, conscious of his gaze on her, and wondered what he was making of her strange behaviour. She took a deep breath and added, "Dr Weir has promised I'll be among the first to get some vacation time."
She heard him come up behind her. She felt him hesitate for a moment before he put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her lightly against him. She took a deep breath; the blood pounding in her ears nearly drowned out his soft-spoken admonition to "Just make sure they let you out of Cheyenne Mountain every once in a while."
She half turned, tilting her face to look up at him. He was bending to drop a kiss on her forehead. His lips, aimed at her temple, met the corner of her mouth. And lingered. A rush of desire surged through her. Without thinking, she parted her lips and sought to capture his. She found his mouth opening to welcome hers with the same urgency she felt.
He gently turned her to face him. Lifting his hands to cup her face, he drew her closer and deepened the kiss. She responded, savoring his taste and the feel of him as she explored his mouth. His muscles were hard under the soft cloth of his uniform as she gripped his arms, and his musky scent enveloped her.
The kiss seemed to last for an hour, a day, a year, and yet she was still hungry for him when he broke it and drew back a little to look at her.
And when the truth, the horror of what had just happened washed over her.
"Oh God," she whispered, staring at his face, so close to hers still. "What have we done?"
"Something we should've done months ago." The corner of his mouth was twitched up into a small grin.
He moved back in to kiss her again, but she held him off with gentle pressure from her hands on his chest.
"You don't want…?" He seemed puzzled.
She licked her lips nervously. She thought she could still taste him on her, and she ached to taste him again. "More than you can imagine," she whispered.
He drew her towards him but once more she resisted. Now a touch of hurt was beginning to color the confusion she saw on his face.
She closed her eyes. "I'm afraid," she whispered. The admission out, she opened her eyes again. She owed it to him to say this directly. Once more, she locked gazes with him. "I've wanted this so much, for so long. But I don't know if you want it as much as I do. And I don't know if it's real for either of us, or just… circumstances, being thrown together like we were."
His mouth grew a little harder and his eyes narrowed as she spoke.
"I'm sorry, John," she whispered.
His face remained taut with pain for a moment longer before it softened into a wry smile. He slid his arms around her and drew her against his shoulder. His touch was sure but light as he cradled her. She knew that if she stepped back, he would let her go – but not without regret.
"Kate." He murmured her name and she felt him drop a gentle kiss on the crown of her head. "All that time I was back on Earth, I wanted to be here, in Atlantis." He sighed. "Stupid, huh? But part of that was missing you. A big part. Talking. Being together. Holding you." He pushed her away from him a little so he could look down into her face again. "Maybe you're right. Maybe it's just because we're here and because of what we've been through. But sure feels real to me." He stroked a hand down her cheek. "Real enough, I don't want to screw up."
She was silent, overwhelmed by the gift of his understanding and his patience for her foolishness. While he continued to stare down at her intently, his thumb caressing her cheek, she wondered how she could have ever doubted that there was love between them, even as she knew exactly why she feared that their love was not what she – and, it seemed, he – hoped for. John Sheppard would be kind to any woman lucky enough to find herself in his arms; and careful enough that no woman would find herself there lightly or easily. But pity alone was not enough for the two of them to step beyond the bounds of friendship.
"But…." The quiet word drew her back to the present. "I do want to kiss you again. Is that OK?" His tone was serious, but his dry humour was evident in the way the corners of his eyes crinkled as he looked down at her.
Her own mouth twitched in response. His intense gaze, the feel of his breath on her cheek, the heat striking from him as he held her close rendered her almost helpless to say no. Despite her fears, she nodded. Then her smile faded as he leaned in and touched his lips to hers once more. She tilted her face upwards to accept the caress, and he drew her closer, hardening the kiss a little, yet not too forcefully. She could sense his reticence, his control, the care he was taking not to overwhelm her. Her trust in him – in herself – growing, she parted her lips to allow him to deepen the kiss still further. Sliding her hand up his chest, she gripped his shoulder, dizzy with the sudden surge of desire created by the play of his mouth on hers. She felt his free hand circle around her waist and settle in the small of her back, pulling her more tightly against him. Yet always gentle. Always leaving her free to end the sweet, wordless conversation between them if she wished.
She wasn't sure if it was she or he who pulled back first, or whether it was by some unspoken mutual consent that they needed to come up for air. She was breathing deeply and a little unevenly as she gazed into his eyes, their faces still only inches apart.
"Mmm." He ran his tongue over his lips. "Just checking…."
She arched an eyebrow.
"Wanted to make sure I wasn't imagining how good that first kiss was." He grinned. "Perhaps I should cross-check my data one more time."
This time, as he pulled her back to him and brought his lips down on hers, she slid her arms around his neck and tangled her fingers in his hair. A part of her still didn't trust this, but she was never going to find out what he truly felt – what she truly felt – if she pushed him away completely.
His mouth roved over hers teasingly, while he pushed his hand gently through her hair to cradle the nape of her neck. He was a good kisser – why was that no surprise? – and she wondered if her own performance was a disappointment to him. She felt as if she should be doing something else, that he would expect more. Nervously, she pressed herself a little harder against him, working her mouth more fervently against his. He responded by sliding his arm further around her waist to pull her closer. He deepened the kiss and his tongue tentatively touched hers. A surge of intense pleasure shot through her and she let out a soft moan. He pulled her still tighter against him and his tongue once more sought hers, this time more eagerly and confidently. She succumbed at last to the desire flooding through her, kissing him back as hard as he was kissing her, her tongue tangling with his as she drew her hands down his back to pull him to her.
Sound seemed muted as she drank in the taste and touch of him, and she was only dimly aware of a knock at the door. It seemed unimportant as they continued to revel in each other. Only when it was repeated – as a loud, impatient rapping – did they break apart.
They were both breathing hard. He licked his lips. "Damn," he whispered. "Expecting someone?"
"No." She shivered as his fingers caressed her neck. His eyes were still making love to her. "I could pretend I'm not here...."
"Dr Heightmeyer?" Rodney's voice accompanied another impatient tattoo.
Kate sighed and reluctantly disentangled herself from John's embrace.
"Kate...." He tried to hold on to her, capturing her arms.
"It's Rodney.... You know what he's like. If I don't answer, he'll probably crack the door lock."
John closed his eyes and grimaced. "Yeah...." He let her hands slip through his fingers, his touch lingering as she stepped back.
Crossing the room, she opened the door just as Rodney was lifting his hand to knock again.
"Oh, good, you are in. I...," Rodney did a double take as he looked past Kate and saw John. "Sheppard! What are you doing here?"
Kate turned to look at John, and Rodney took it as an excuse to push past her into her office.
"I was just...," John bounced on the balls of his feet as he hesitated over what to say, "bringing Doctor Heightmeyer our latest crew manifest." He gave Rodney an airy smile. Kate wondered why she'd never noticed before what a transparently bad liar he was when put on the spot.
"Oh, hmm, right." Rodney sounded distracted. Turning to face him, Kate realised it didn't matter how bad a liar John was, since Rodney was, as usual, wrapped up in his own world. "I was, er, wondering if I could, ah...."
"Make an appointment for as soon as possible?" Kate finished for him wearily.
"Yes!"
Kate noted sourly as she crossed to her desk to fire up the appointment calendar on her datapad that he hadn't even said please.
After he had tapped the time she suggested for the following day into his own datapad, and taken a couple of steps towards the door, he swung back round. "Oh, Sheppard!" He clicked his fingers and pointed at John. "Now we've got a ZPM, there are some new security features we can bring on line. I should show you." He swivelled round to point to the door.
John gave him a disbelieving stare and raised an eyebrow. "Right now?"
"Yes, yes." Rodney hopped impatiently from one foot to another as he edged backwards towards the door. "I'm sure you two can finish up whatever you were doing later."
John looked across inquiringly at Kate. She rolled her eyes and gave him a slightly exasperated smile.
"We wouldn't wanted to rush our... discussions," she pointed out gently.
John returned the smile, and Kate had to grasp the edge of the desk to steady herself. He nodded. "There is that. Later, then."
Alone once more, she knew she had no chance of concentrating on the research paper. Her body was tingling with the memory of the touch and taste of him; her mind was in happy shock, too busy replaying the totally unexpected events of the past hour to absorb anything new. She kicked off her shoes and curled up on the sofa, gazing out at the quietly humming city while her heart sang with joy.
She was the first to the balcony: too eager and too early, perhaps. She grew cold waiting for him as the sun set, and grew fearful, too, that he would not come, realising the afternoon had been a mistake. Then he was there, hurrying down the stairs to her, drawing her unhesitatingly into his arms and kissing her tenderly but thoroughly.
"Should've kissed you here first," he murmured when they finally drew apart.
She giggled, as much with relief as amusement. "I'll live with it." He stilled her laughter with another kiss. "You're not going to wake up tomorrow morning regretting this?" she murmured uncertainly as he slid his mouth away from hers to trail kisses down her neck.
"You're kidding, right?" He lifted his head and grinned. "Been working out how to kiss you most of the way back to Atlantis." When she dropped her gaze, uncomfortable under his intense scrutiny, he took her face in his hands and gently forced her to look at him again. "Why are you having such a hard time believing in us being together, Kate?"
"Oh, I don't know." She gave a slight, defiant shrug. "Because you could have any woman you want?"
He snorted softly. "Even assuming that's true," he stroked her cheek with his thumb, "it's you I want."
She flushed. "But why me? Someone like Chaya is much more your style. Beautiful, wise...."
"You're beautiful and wise," he interrupted her. "Well, except when you get dumb ideas like this in your head." His thumbs were still gentling her, and he softened his mild sarcasm with a smile. "And you make me laugh. And you pick me up when I'm down. And sometimes you even let me feel like you need me.... Besides, you like football, and you get my jokes."
Kate felt distinctly foolish for doubting him when he seemed so very sincere, but she couldn't quite shake her unease, even as he drew her towards him for another soft kiss. It seemed he sensed her diffidence, because he was frowning slightly when they drew apart.
"Look, I'm not going to pretend I didn't fall for Chaya," he said quietly. "But she was like… a drug. An addiction. Rodney was right: I didn’t think straight around her. You," he licked his lips nervously, "you’re like food, or air. You may not make me feel like I’m drunk or high, but you give me strength. You sustain me." He slid his hands down to rest on her shoulders, and gave them a slight squeeze. "I can’t imagine existing without you.” He paused, as if listening to his own words, then gave her an uncomfortable smile. “I don’t think that came out right. I….”
She put her fingers to his lips to stop him talking. “Yes it did,” she whispered. This time, she was the one who drew his mouth down on to hers.
"In fact," he said, the next time there was an opportunity to speak, "if anything, we need to make this "official", and soon. I should tell Elizabeth. You may be a civilian, but she needs to know about anything in my personal life that may affect my ability to do my job."
Kate sighed and nodded. "And I need to tell Carson, in case there are any conflicts of interests with future clients."
"Which just leaves one question." As he moved in for another kiss, he murmured, "Which one of us is going to tell Rodney he's not the most important man in your life any more."
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